Dreaming of a Wall Street Job? You Might Wanna Read this first.

bull-on-wall-street-for-WAMoolah, Tesla X, strippers … you name it. It has got it all, and it’s called the Wall Street. Fortunes are made here in a day, and lost in a second. It’s a place with more money than almost every country in the world’s GDP put together. The bear standing in the middle is ferocious. And what better than having a desk of your own in it? But really?

The average guy, which you’ve been told is a rich pervert driving Ferrari in the day and screwing a Playboy model in the night, actually makes somewhere between $50,000 and $150,000. If you are smart and lucky enough to have a brand name like Wharton or Harvard in your CV, you’d probably be pulling in between $100K and $150k. Yes, the upper end is for the born-to-be-winner types. Most people, which includes most financial analysts, make around $70K. Don’t like my stats? Never mind, they are not mine. Take your objections to US News, because it’s theirs. But yes, there’s some good news called performance-based bonus, which might even exceed your original salary.

The mechanics of performance-based bonus schemes is simple: you deliver more than the expected, you get paid extra. But in reality, it’s a bit more complicated than that. First, that you’d be able to deliver more than the bare minimum expected of you is not as easy as it sounds. The firms there set that standard very cleverly. They are there to make money for themselves, not to make you a billionaire. At any rate, there comes a point where the value of your work exceeds the salary you’d be getting, and they wouldn’t want you to join the guys in the next block, so they’ll give you a bit more cash, which will be your performance-based bonus. It doesn’t always make people happy though. The reason: Your bonus will actually be a fraction of the profit generated by you for the firm. Yes, you’d be the one who’d be calling all sorts of guys from filthy millionaires to an old aunt in a God-knows-where state named Nebraska. You’d be the one convincing them all to give you their money. And when they do, the firm will make money from their money, and out of this profit, you’ll be given a small pie and a pat on the back. That’s all. Your hard work, your clients, your achievements, but their cake. For you, it’s just gonna be a small piece from the cake you brought them from absolutely nowhere. And here’s the biggest trouble with this scheme.

If you are smart enough to talk people into giving you their money, the last thing you need is an employer all set to take most of it. Why not invest it yourself and cut the number of stakeholders to just you and the investor herself? If you are really smart, you’d probably never even fall for this bonus-trap, but the reality is quite different. The truth is that smart, really smart, people do fall for this trick. Why? Because of fear. Yes, this is one thing that has dominated ambitious men since day one. They get frightened, and it’s this that kills them most often. A typical line of that fearful reasoning is this: What if I am not able to get so many investors? I would even not have a job then. My God, really?

The fallacy in your skewed reasoning, my friend, is that, in the absence of any performance-based bonus, your job would be bringing you just $70,000 a year. Holy sh*t, why not turn your car into a taxi and make more than that? Why not be a weed-smoking truck-driver and make a lot more than that? Why on earth do you then have to be in this sh*tty place with a fake smile over your over-worked face all the time?

If you’d like me to write for you, simply ping me at bustedbad.contact@gmail.com.  🙂

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